I'm not really sure what to write here. I'm not really sure where this may go...probably no where, let's see. I'm a 1980s child and approaching late 40s. Worries that I'm gonna die as my father did at 49. I'm divorced and don't see my kids because one walks his own walk, the other, well....:( I'm in a living nightmare. If I knew myself it would be a start. If I could trust myself, that would be better. I'm a good man, I promise I am. I feel punished for that in a world that seems to reward an arsehole. Sometimes I want to be a white van driver, say what I want and don't give F. That's not good, to easy and